{"id":10352,"date":"2021-07-19T06:20:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-19T04:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?p=10352"},"modified":"2025-03-03T21:49:05","modified_gmt":"2025-03-03T19:49:05","slug":"insecure-attachment-in-childhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/insecure-attachment-in-childhood\/","title":{"rendered":"Insecure Attachment Styles: From Childhood to Adulthood"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>An <strong>insecure attachment style<\/strong> is characterized by difficulties in relationships and maladaptive beliefs about the self and others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Insecure attachment styles typically form in early childhood as a result of the caregiver-child bond. In essence, how a child perceives their needs to be responded to and met by their caregiver(s) forms an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/internal-working-model\/\">internal working model of relationships<\/a> and themselves. This mental representation of relationships continues to shape our interpretations of relationships as we develop into adulthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re wondering what insecure attachment is, how it develops in childhood, and how <strong>attachment insecurity<\/strong> continues to affect us as adults, this article contains all the information you need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"what-is-attachment-theory\"><strong>Understanding Insecure Attachment Theory<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/\">Attachment theory<\/a> is a model of socio-emotional development which originated initially from the work of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/john-bowlby\/\">John Bowlby<\/a> in the 1950s, as he posited that emotional problems cannot be solely attributed to internal processes. Instead, Bowlby proposed that how a child interacts with their environment in their early years \u2013 and specifically the caregiver-child bond \u2013 affects a child\u2019s emotional health and development. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/mary-ainsworth\/\">Mary Ainsworth<\/a> expanded on the model, especially with her contributions to the categorizations of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/four-attachment-styles\/\">attachment styles<\/a>, which were originally known as secure, resistant, and avoidant. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/mary-main\/\">Mary Main<\/a>, a PhD student of Ainsworths, noted a distinct category of children who didn\u2019t fit within these previous classifications, hence another category was devised \u2013 the disorganized attachment style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Although the core constructs of attachment theory were formed between the 50s and 70s, the field of attachment continues to expand every day through social, neurological, and psychological research.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"how-insecure-attachment-styles-form-in-childhood\"><strong>Types of Insecure Attachment Styles<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The insecure attachment styles are currently classified as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table is-style-stripes\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Attachment Style<\/strong><\/td><td><strong>In Childhood<\/strong><\/td><td><strong>In Adulthood<\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Insecure<\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-ambivalent-attachment-style\/\">Anxious-ambivalent<\/a><\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">Anxious-preoccupied<\/a><\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Insecure<\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-avoidant-attachment-in-children\/\">Anxious-avoidant<\/a><\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/avoidant-attachment-style\/\">Avoidant-dismissive<\/a><\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Insecure<\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/disorganized-attachment\/\">Disorganized<\/a><\/td><td><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/fearful-avoidant-attachment-style\/\">Fearful-avoidant<\/a><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>In general, attachment styles are seen as a spectrum or dimensions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Secure attachment is low on avoidance and anxiety<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Anxious attachment is high on the dimension of anxiety and low on avoidance<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Avoidant attachment is high on the the dimension of avoidance and low on anxiety<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Disorganized\/fearful-avoidant is high on the dimensions of both anxiety and avoidance<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh7-rt.googleusercontent.com\/docsz\/AD_4nXfPkQBwyP9zqVvye5HwpbOC6sEb_U6CELh9h5NUtrOCEETWNBC1U54U9YUfk2gQPm1lhjAqo8d681xJFL2zYC-nLJMdDnzSDfPx-HQtWUQyGYdt-tt2mHnPfQCZueBOXqBHENHTA5lD9IEd6BlajTfqEKS_?key=Exlfa2rO5J0OgIcjsH4YtA\" width=\"624\" height=\"387\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center has-text-color has-background\" id=\"anxious-ambivalent-attachment-style\" style=\"color:#e86c46;background-color:#fff2e1\"><strong>How Insecure Attachment Styles Form in Childhood<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"959\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-959x1024.png\" alt=\"How Insecure Attachment Styles Form in Childhood\" class=\"wp-image-10361\" style=\"width:275px;height:292px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-959x1024.png 959w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-281x300.png 281w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-768x820.png 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1439x1536.png 1439w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1919x2048.png 1919w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1874x2000.png 1874w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1500x1601.png 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1405x1500.png 1405w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-937x1000.png 937w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-800x854.png 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-703x750.png 703w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-617x659.png 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-600x640.png 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-150x160.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-1000x1067.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-468x500.png 468w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-400x427.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-247x264.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Anxious-Attachment-in-Children-103x110.png 103w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 959px) 100vw, 959px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/four-attachment-styles\/\">Attachment styles<\/a> develop as a response to the bond we form with our primary caregiver(s) during the main formative period of childhood (typically the first eighteen months to two years of life). Through how parents or caregivers meet their child\u2019s needs, the child forms an internal working model of relationships, including expectations about the world and the people in it.<br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/secure-attachment\/\">Secure attachment<\/a> develops when a child perceives their caregiver to be sensitive and attuned to their needs. As a result, they feel validated, supported, loved, and safe to explore their environment with their safe base (their caregiver) nearby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In contrast, an insecure attachment style can form when a child perceives their needs to be rejected or inconsistently met \u2013 or in chaotic situations in which they feel fear. We\u2019ll discuss the varying circumstances which lead to insecure attachment next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Causes Insecure Attachment?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Insecure attachment can develop under the following conditions during the formative period of development (up to the first two years of life).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Anxious attachment: The child perceives their needs to be met inconsistently&nbsp;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The manner in which the child\u2019s needs are met leads them to feel like there\u2019s an incoherence; sometimes their caregivers are responsive and attuned, and sometimes they\u2019re absent or punitive. This inconsistency can be confusing for the child, as they end up feeling that their caregivers are ultimately unreliable. To maintain proximity to their caregiver, their attachment system becomes overactive, leading to emotional outbursts and clingy behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Avoidant attachment: The child perceives their needs to be rejected<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The child feels that their needs, particularly emotional ones, are being rejected or ignored. They may feel that they are not appreciated or understood for who they are. To maintain proximity to caregivers, they shut down their attachment system and develop a premature sense of self-reliance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Disorganized attachment: The child feels fear<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This sense of fear can come from alarm-inducing situations, such as traumatic events (for example, a caregiver acting chaotically). However, a sense of fear can also arise from situations that induce feelings of rejection or neglect, or ones that result in the feeling of being unloved or unprotected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Due to the unique circumstances that lead to the development of the types of insecure attachment, each style leads to specific characteristics in children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color\" id=\"how-does-an-anxious-ambivalent-child-behave\">Signs of Insecure Attachment in Children and Toddlers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The Strange Situation experiment allowed for researchers (and subsequent professionals) to identify specific characteristics and patterns of behaviors in children with different insecure attachment styles. <\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-1024x1024.png\" alt=\"insecure attachment child sitting alone\" class=\"wp-image-10364\" style=\"width:289px;height:289px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-1024x1024.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-768x769.png 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-1536x1536.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-2048x2048.png 2048w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-170x170.png 170w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-2000x2000.png 2000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-1500x1500.png 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-1000x1001.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-800x801.png 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-750x750.png 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-617x617.png 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-600x600.png 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-500x500.png 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-400x400.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-247x247.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/avoidant-attachment-in-children-110x110.png 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>These behaviors or characteristics are coping strategies designed to manage the emotions around the core beliefs and internal working models that these styles lead to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The signs of anxious-ambivalent attachment in children<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Hyperactive attachment system; high levels of dependence on caregivers, seeking proximity, reassurance, and attention even in situations in which they should feel safe<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Separation anxiety, displaying distress when parting from caregiver and becoming difficult to soothe<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Resistance to soothing from caregiver on their return after separation, sometimes displaying ambivalence instead of affection \u2013 inconsistent behaviors due to lack of awareness of when and how needs will be met<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>High sensitivity towards caregivers\u2019 emotional states, searching for risks of separation, emotional distance, or disapproval<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Reluctance to leave the proximity of their caregiver, so may not explore their environment or engage in social interactions with other children<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>High dependence on attachment figures outside of caregivers, such as clingy behaviors with teachers, babysitters, and so on<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Constant monitoring of the whereabouts of attachment figures\/caregivers<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotional dysregulation when it\u2019s perceived that attachment needs aren\u2019t met, such as outbursts of anger, frustration, and distress. These reactions typically seem disproportionate to the situation that trigger them<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Difficulties with transitions, including changes to their routine, such as starting school, moving up a grade, or moving home<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The signs of anxious-avoidant attachment in children<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Underactive attachment system; showing emotional detachment from caregivers, seemingly disinterested or unconcerned about their caregivers\u2019 proximity<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Lack of distress when separated from caregivers and resisting or avoiding contact on their return<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self-reliance, such as emotional withdrawal, during times of distress<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Preference to avoid physical intimacy, such as cuddles, during moments which would typically require comforting<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Disproportionately high independence for age range \u2013 usually a defense mechanism as they expect rejection for expressing needs<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Suppression of emotions, positive or negative<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Preference to spend time alone and avoid social engagement with peers<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Difficulties with reciprocal play<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Problems with maintaining eye contact, especially during times of upset, reflecting discomfort with emotional intimacy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>High level of focus on tasks, usually as a strategy to avoid social interaction<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>May be internally distressed, but maintains a facade of disinterest<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The signs of disorganized attachment in children<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Inconsistent, confusing behaviors during interactions with caregivers \u2013 displaying a \u201cpush-pull\u201d pattern, seeking comfort while simultaneously pushing intimacy away<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>May seem fearful of caregivers, flinching, withdrawing, or cowering from them, especially during times of stress<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Engaging in the \u201cfreeze\u201d response during times of stress, shutting down in response to perceived threat<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Extreme emotion dysregulation which seems disproportionate to the situation, such as outbursts of anger, frustration, distress, or shutdown<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>May display aggression or hostility, inwards or externally towards caregivers<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>May be disorientated or inconsistent during social interactions, sometimes overly passive, other times sudden aggression<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Swapping between hypervigilance towards perceived threat and withdrawal or detachment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Difficulties with social interactions with peers, swapping between searching for closeness and pushing peers away<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self-soothing behaviors, such as thumb sucking or rocking to manage feelings of overwhelm<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If intervention strategies are not implemented to help a child shift towards more secure attachment, children risk carrying insecure attachment styles and internal working models into adulthood and relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"866\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-866x1024.png\" alt=\"secure attachment\" class=\"wp-image-10363\" style=\"width:269px;height:319px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-866x1024.png 866w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-254x300.png 254w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-768x908.png 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1300x1536.png 1300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1733x2048.png 1733w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1692x2000.png 1692w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1500x1773.png 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1269x1500.png 1269w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-846x1000.png 846w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-800x946.png 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-635x750.png 635w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-617x729.png 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-600x709.png 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-150x177.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-1000x1182.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-423x500.png 423w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-400x473.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-247x292.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Secure-Attachment-in-Children-93x110.png 93w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 866px) 100vw, 866px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Attachment Insecurity: Impact on Adult Life and Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Unless strategies are implemented to heal the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/attachment-wound\/\">attachment wounds<\/a> that develop in childhood, children with an insecure attachment style risk continuing the same pattern of thinking and behaving into adulthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a consequence, insecurely attached adults typically have\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Maladaptive attitudes about the self&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Low self-worth<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Difficulties trusting other people&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Beliefs that they don\u2019t deserve fulfilling relationships<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/emotional-regulation\/\">Emotion regulation<\/a> problems&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These issues make initiating and maintaining meaningful relationships difficult, whether these relationships are romantic, familial, friendships, or workplace. However, each of the insecure attachment styles are associated with specific patterns of thinking and acting, which we detail next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-background\" id=\"anxious-avoidant-attachment-style\" style=\"background-color:#eaf7ff\">Signs You May be Insecurely Attached<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"anxious-avoidant-children-aren-t-getting-needs-met-by-their-caretakers\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color\">Signs of Anxious Attachment in Adulthood<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Fear of abandonment or rejection in relationships is the driving force behind the thoughts <\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"240\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-240x300.jpg\" alt=\"Grayscale photograph of woman sitting on a sofa with head in her hand\" class=\"wp-image-4488\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-240x300.jpg 240w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-819x1024.jpg 819w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-768x960.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1229x1536.jpg 1229w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1638x2048.jpg 1638w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1600x2000.jpg 1600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1500x1875.jpg 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1200x1500.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-800x1000.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-600x750.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-617x771.jpg 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-150x188.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-1000x1250.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-400x500.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-247x309.jpg 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-88x110.jpg 88w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-320x400.jpg 320w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-120x150.jpg 120w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/monochrome-photography-of-woman-sitting-on-sofa-2471301-scaled.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>and actions of an adult with the anxious attachment style. This fear results in a hypersensitive nervous system, resulting in an overactivation of emotions, as well as hypervigilance for something going wrong \u2013 especially in relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition to these traits, the following are also signs of anxious attachment in adults:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Emotional dysregulation, such as explosions of anger when detecting threats to proximity of loved ones<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Catastrophic thinking, such as picturing things going very wrong, very easily<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A positive view of others, but a negative self-view&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Putting great effort into relationships, often to the extent of self-sacrifice<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Immense difficulty with receiving criticism and rejection<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color\">Signs of Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>For someone with avoidant attachment, avoidance of intimacy and vulnerability is driven by an underlying fear of rejection. Due to a childhood in which they perceived their needs to be rejected, they deny their need for emotional closeness and shut down their attachment system, downplaying or dismissing emotions. People with this style are typically highly independent and self-reliant, often focusing on personal achievements rather than relationships. If they perceive someone to be pushing for increased intimacy, they may withdraw from or sabotage the relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition, the following are traits of the avoidant attachment style in adults:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Emotional dysregulation in the form of repressing or denying feelings even though they exist<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Difficulty seeking support and admitting the need for help<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Extreme self-reliance and independence<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Positive self-view\/high self-esteem (often as a protective measure for low self-worth)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Distrusting of others, expecting hurt or rejection<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Maintaining or increasing distance when others try to connect emotionally&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color\">Signs of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Known as disorganized attachment in children, fearful avoidant attachment is characterized by incoherent behaviors in relationships. This is because people with this attachment style often have both an over- and under-sensitive nervous\/attachment system. They deeply desire love, but are also intensely fearful of being hurt by people they care about. Therefore, they are consistently seeking intimacy and validation, but also pushing it away as they perceive it as a threat to their safety.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The following behaviors are also characteristic of the fearful-avoidant attachment style in adults:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Struggles with intimacy and building trust in others<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Inconsistency and unpredictability<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Oscillating between avoidant and anxious behaviors<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotional dysregulation which alternates between extreme expression of emotions and shutting down<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Push-pull behaviors, seeking proximity in relationships, then withdrawing without warning<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re wondering whether you might have one of the insecure attachment styles, you can take our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-style-quiz\/\">Attachment Styles Quiz<\/a> for a report.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center has-vivid-red-color has-text-color has-background\" id=\"fearful-avoidant-attachment-style\" style=\"background-color:#ffe5e5\">How to Heal Insecure Attachment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Although attachment styles are considered to be stable traits, they are nevertheless possible to change. With the right awareness, understanding, and strategies, anyone can transition from an insecure attachment style to<a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/earned-secure-attachment\/\"> \u201cearned\u201d secure attachment<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, if you\u2019re wondering how to heal insecure attachment, the following tips can help.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"how-does-fearful-avoidant-attachment-develop\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">Try therapy<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1003\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-1024x1003.png\" alt=\"fearful-avoidant \" class=\"wp-image-10362\" style=\"width:280px;height:274px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-1024x1003.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-300x294.png 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-768x753.png 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-1536x1505.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-2048x2007.png 2048w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-2000x1960.png 2000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-1500x1470.png 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-1000x980.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-800x784.png 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-750x735.png 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-617x605.png 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-600x588.png 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-150x147.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-500x490.png 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-400x392.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-247x242.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-110x108.png 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>The best way to earn a secure attachment style is in a therapeutic relationship with a trained mental health professional. This is a safe environment in which someone with insecure attachment can process their experiences, facilitating trust, self-awareness, understanding of thought and behavioral patterns, emotion regulation, and personal growth. Furthermore, throughout the process of therapy, someone with an insecure attachment style will learn how to transition these skills to \u201creal-world\u201d relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">Learn about your attachment style<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Research indicates that we cannot move on from the past without first recognizing the impact it has had on our lives. You can gain new perspectives by reflecting on your past experiences and processing the emotions associated with your insecure attachment style. Our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-book\/\">workbooks<\/a> are excellent tools for enhancing understanding and also work as useful therapy aids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">Challenge your beliefs about relationships<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Adults with insecure attachment retain an internal working model of relationships from childhood. This internal working model drives certain maladaptive beliefs about how relationships work, and how the individual will be treated within them. Therefore, someone with insecure attachment may attempt to cope with limiting beliefs by avoiding emotional expression, through maintaining constant proximity, or even by avoiding relationships in general.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The good news is, if you\u2019re wondering how to deal with an insecure attachment style, it\u2019s possible to challenge limiting beliefs by identifying and learning how to disagree with them. You can do so by finding evidence to disprove them and applying logic to the situation at hand. The following are examples of how to do this.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table class=\"has-fixed-layout\"><tbody><tr><td><strong>Belief<\/strong><\/td><td>Challenge<\/td><\/tr><tr><td><em>If I allow someone to get close to me, they\u2019ll hurt me<\/em>.<\/td><td><em>Have all my relationships ended in pain? Vulnerability allows for real connection, yes, there\u2019s a risk, but the benefits are worth it.<\/em><\/td><\/tr><tr><td><em>If they really loved me, they\u2019d know what I need and want without having to tell them<\/em>.<\/td><td><em>Is it fair to expect people to be mind readers? Clear communication is key to healthy relationships, so how can I express my needs more openly?<\/em><\/td><\/tr><tr><td><em>f the person I care about doesn\u2019t text me back, they\u2019re probably thinking of leaving me<\/em>.<\/td><td><em>This person has never given a true indication that they might leave me. They might be busy at the moment, but they\u2019ll get back to me as soon as they can.<\/em><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">Find an alternative support figure<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Alternative support figures (someone other than your primary caregiver), such as a grandparent, close friend, or romantic partner, may be able to offer the emotional support insecure attachers need to earn security. Evidence in the area suggests that these support figures do so through listening to their loved one when they are upset and helping them in times of distress. Such encounters facilitate the idea that others can be trusted, allowing someone with insecure attachment to learn that they can finally rely on others to meet their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you can\u2019t think of anyone who could serve as an alternative support figure, the therapeutic relationship can help you learn these skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people wonder <strong>how to deal with an insecure attachment<\/strong> style without fully understanding the differences between these styles and how they develop. The types of insecure attachment are specific to the unique circumstances a child experiences, and can persist into adulthood unless effective intervention strategies are employed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, even if you have an adult insecure attachment style, it\u2019s still possible to heal with the right information, support, and techniques. Trying therapy, learning about your attachment style, challenging limiting beliefs about relationships, and finding alternative attachment figures can all serve to help you on this journey.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Attachment may be defined as \u201ca lasting connectedness between human beings,\u201d but this doesn\u2019t mean that your attachment style is permanently fixed. You may not be able to change your past, but you can target your present for a brighter, more promising future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sources\">Sources: <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Ainsworth M.D., &amp; Bell, S.M. (1970).&nbsp; Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. <em>Child Development<\/em>, 41(1), 49-67.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bowlby, J. (1969\/1982). <em>Attachment and Loss, vol. 1:<\/em> <em>Attachment.<\/em> London: Hogarth Press\/Institute of Psychoanalysis<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bowlby, J. (1973). <em>Attachment and loss, vol. 2: Separation: anxiety and anger<\/em>. London: Hogarth Press<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cassidy, J., Jones, J.D., &amp; Shaver, P.R. (2013) Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. <em>Developmental Psychopathology<\/em>, 25, 1415-1434.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Main, M. (1999). Mary D. Salter Ainsworth: Tribute and portrait. <em>Psychoanalytic Inquiry<\/em>, 19(5), 682-736.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Insecure attachment develops if a child feels that their needs are not met. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":10372,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,88],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-attachment-theory","category-childhood-development"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Insecure Attachment Style: Causes, Signs and Types - AP<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover the roots of insecure attachment styles, how they manifest in children and adults, and explore strategies for healing.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/insecure-attachment-in-childhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Insecure Attachment Style: Causes, Signs and Types - 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