{"id":20244,"date":"2022-07-22T10:59:59","date_gmt":"2022-07-22T08:59:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?page_id=20244"},"modified":"2023-08-10T17:02:02","modified_gmt":"2023-08-10T15:02:02","slug":"relationship-anarchy","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/relationship-anarchy\/","title":{"rendered":"Introduction to Relationship Anarchy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"block-container pt-3 row \" id=\"block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18\">\n    <div class=\"col-md-6 px-0 col-12 image-container\">\n\t\t<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large mb-0\">\n\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"607\"\n                     src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151.webp\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-300x237.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-768x607.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-800x633.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-750x593.webp 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-617x488.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-600x475.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-150x119.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-500x396.webp 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-400x316.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-247x195.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-151-110x87.webp 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\"  \/>\n\t\t<\/figure>\n\t<\/div>\n    <div class=\"col-md-6 col-12 text-container\"><p><strong>Relationship anarchy<\/strong>: otherwise known as the relationship structure that defies all others. Relationship structures can take on many shapes and forms: for instance, monogamy can be relatively straightforward &#8211; there is only that \u201cone special someone.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/\">Ethically non-monogamous relationships<\/a> have their own specific structures too &#8211; some require prioritizing one person over another, but others not so much. Relationship anarchy, however, doesn\u2019t quite fit into one structure or the other.<\/p>\n<p>To help clarify how relationship anarchy operates, we\u2019ll answer the following questions in this article:<\/p>\n<div class=\"py-3 px-1 mt-4\" style=\"background-color: rgba(151, 136, 184, 0.12); color: black;\">\n<ul>\n<li>What is relationship anarchy?<\/li>\n<li>Is there a difference between relationship anarchy and polyamory?<\/li>\n<li>What is the relationship anarchy manifesto?<\/li>\n<li>How does relationship anarchy work?<\/li>\n<li>What is a relationship anarchy smorgasbord?<\/li>\n<li>Is my attachment style compatible with being a relationship anarchist?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<style>\n\n    #block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18.block-container {\n        max-width: 100%;\n        padding: 0 !important;\n    }\n\n    #block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18    .image-container {\n\/*         background-image: url(\"\");\n        background-size: cover;\n        background-position: 85%;\n        background-repeat: no-repeat; *\/\n    }\n\t#block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18\t.image-container img{\n\t    width: 100%;\n        height: 100%;\n        -o-object-fit: cover;\n        object-fit: cover;\n        -o-object-position: center;\n        object-position: center;\n\t}\n\n    #block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18    .text-container {\n        padding: 50px 100px 50px 30px;\n    }\n\n    @media (max-width: 768px) {\n\n        #block_2d0eb7da9fe3e403c66326df453c8b18        .text-container {\n            padding: 30px 50px 30px 30px;\n        }\n    }\n<\/style>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"banner-container py-4\"  id=\"block_35bbaaf48e0ab0fd02ac8686fc205042\" style=\"background-color:#FFFAF5;\">\n    <div class=\"w-100 text-wrapper d-flex flex-column align-items-center\">\n        <h3 class=\"text-center text mb-4\">Do you know your attachment style?<br>\r\nTake our attachment quiz and find out now &#8211; fast, easy, free.<\/h3>\n        <a href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\/\"\n           class=\"banner-button text-center\" target=\"_blank\">Start Quiz<\/a>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<style>\n    #block_35bbaaf48e0ab0fd02ac8686fc205042.banner-container {\n        max-width: 100%;\n        color: #513d62 !important;\n    }\n    #block_35bbaaf48e0ab0fd02ac8686fc205042    .text-wrapper {\n        color: #513d62 !important;\n    }\n    #block_35bbaaf48e0ab0fd02ac8686fc205042    .text {\n        color: #513d62 !important;\n    }\n\n    #block_35bbaaf48e0ab0fd02ac8686fc205042    .banner-button {\n        color: #ffffff !important;\n        background-color: rgb(150,107,169) !important;\n        border-radius: 10px;\n        text-decoration:none;\n        font-weight: 700;\n        font-size: 20px;\n        width: 150px;\n        padding: 8px 20px;\n    }\n<\/style>\n\n\n    <div id=\"individual-content-top\" class=\"one-section inverse-order center-row individual-content-top-block_28f0159dda75ee9c68b0dee3673c4e93\"\n         >\n\n        <div class=\"container-fluid\">\n                        <div id=\"ind-content\">\n                                    <div class=\"one-indu d-none\">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30  row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                                                                                            <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                        <div class=\"one-indu \">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30 row-reverse row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/image-152-750x629-1.webp\"\n                                         alt=\"\" class=\"img-responsive mw-100\" height=\"420\" width=\"750\" style=\" height: auto;\" loading=\"lazy\"\/>\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                            <h4 class=\"column-title \">\n                                            What Is Relationship Anarchy?                                        <\/h4>\n                                                                                                                <p class=\"one-indu-text\">\n                                            <p>Relationship anarchy is pretty much as its name suggests &#8211; it has no definable rules. Relationships within this structure are fluid, and therefore have <strong>no solid differentiation between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Importantly, relationship anarchists avoid putting their relationships in boxes or categorizing them with society\u2019s labels such as \u201cpartner\u201d, \u201cfriend\u201d or \u201clover\u201d. Instead, this structure is about breaking down societal relationship standards, as well as focusing on relationships as a community rather than as individuals in a relationship [1].<\/p>\n<p>While relationship anarchy has its own definable philosophy of love [2,3], it can still be connected to the concept of sexual anarchy. The definition of sexual anarchy is, essentially, a challenge to the definitions of men and women in society, targeting the unspoken rules of behavior among them [4]. That is, perceptions such as that women should stay at home while men go out to work for the family. In contrast, relationship anarchy aims to challenge both the gender and relationship norms that still exist and pervade through many cultures.<\/p>\n                                        <\/p>\n                                                                                                        <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator-lg\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Relationship Anarchy vs Polyamory<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Relationship anarchy is considered to be a type of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/polyamory\/\">polyamory<\/a> &#8211; or at least a radical version of egalitarian polyamory. That is, both forms of relationships involve intimate or romantic connections with more than one person at a time. However, the main differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy are twofold. First, while polyamory is an umbrella term for certain forms of ENM relationships, relationship anarchy has its own clear-cut structure. Second, and perhaps most importantly , relationship anarchy rejects the idea of a \u201cromantic sex-based relationship hierarchy\u201d [2,5].<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The social norm for typical romantic relationships dictates that the main difference between platonic friends and romantic relationships is the level of commitment and duty towards one another &#8211; and also the lack of a sexual component with the former. For these reasons, when one partner is sexually intimate with somone that is not their partner, this is more often than not considered cheating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>In relationship anarchy, there is no standard definition or expectation of what a romantic relationship should look like &#8211; meaning there is no reason to use sex to differentiate or prioritize a romantic relationship from a platonic one.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator-lg\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">The Relationship Anarchy Manifesto<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">In 2006, Andie Nordgren published the <strong>Relationship Anarchy Manifesto<\/strong> [3], proposing a new viable relationship structure. The main tenets of relationship anarchy, according to Nordgren\u2019s manifesto, are the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cLove is abundant,<br>and every relationship is unique\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">The first principle encompasses the essence of relationship anarchy &#8211; that love is not a limited resource, and that a relationship does not need to have a title &#8211; such as \u201cspouse,\u201d for it to be serious and meaningful.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:14px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cLove and respect instead of entitlement\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">This second tenet defends that each partner in a relationship should not compromise their own choices and way of living for the sake of the relationship. According to relationship anarchy, such compromises for or demands on each other reflect a partnership that is not based on the true meaning of \u201cmutual.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:14px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cBuild for the lovely unexpected\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">The fifth tenet speaks to the element of spontaneity in relationships. This proposal is against making commitments based on duty and demands &#8211; or what one \u201cshould\u201d do. Instead, it is &#8211; in favor of the freedom to express love and explore feelings and experiences with others.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:14px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cFake it \u2018til you make it\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">This priniciple builds on the awareness that relationship anarchy is highly defiant of social norms &#8211; and this could undoubtedly put a lot of pressure on its advocates. Their suggestion is not to feel guilty or a failure when we give in to these social norms. Sometimes, feeling at peace with our environment is more important than changing everyone\u2019s mind to adapt to our way of living.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:14px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cChange through communication\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">The eighth tenet highlights one of the most essential components of any healthy relationship &#8211; communication. Recognizing relationship anarchy as a radically different experience to the normative relationship ideal, its proponents have to create the habit of communicating sincerely and explicitly. This is also a great way to avoid falling back into the relationship norms that relationship anarchists run so starkly away from.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-vertically-aligned-top is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cFind your core set of relationship values\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p>Everyone is different &#8211; we all have unique needs and wants in relationships. In fact, our attachment style can be a major influence on these.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Knowing what we want and need, and actually sticking to it, is an important part of relationship anarchy.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cHeterosexism is rampant and out there,<br>but don\u2019t let fear lead you\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p>It is no secret that relationship anarchy strongly defies heteronormativity &#8211; assuming that the normal standard of relationships is based on female-male dyads, and that each gender fulfills a natural and intrinsic role [6].<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As heteronormativity is the default on a social &#8211; and even legal &#8211; level, relationship anarchists are wary of its potential to ostracize their community.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cTrust is better\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p>Acknowledging that each individual within this type of relationship may have a completely distinct way of life and share different types of commitments and connections with one another, requires space and understanding. So when someone is feeling overwhelmed, or just needs to withdraw for some personal space, their wishes need to be encouraged or talked through for mutual understanding. This doesn\u2019t mean that people can simply leave each other \u201con read\u201d all the time and get away with it &#8211; instead it means that there is mutual respect for each other\u2019s space.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:29px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group p-4 bg-light-purple\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">\u201cCustomize your commitments\u201d<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p>The last principle of relationship anarchy refers to the concept of commitment within this radical relationship model. While there are no strict rules, and freedom from the norm is what governs this lifestyle, there is still commitment, expectations, and structures within each relationship. The customization of these commitments is what brings this relationship style to life &#8211; you don\u2019t need to marry someone to have children with them, nor do you need to have certain feelings or a relationship with someone to move in with them. The idea is that relationships are tailor-made for the connection between the people involved.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">How Does Relationship Anarchy Work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Relationship anarchy<\/strong> works on the basis of its tenets outlined in the manifesto, but also by fostering attitudes and behaviors that align with a healthy relationship &#8211; regardless of its structure. We\u2019ve come up with<strong> three C\u2019s for establishing a healthy relationship within relationship anarchy:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n    <div id=\"individual-content-top\" class=\"one-section  center-row dark-purple-heading individual-content-top-block_884fb767aea295865be0e78f1fce2d67\"\n         style=\"background: #ffffff\">\n\n        <div class=\"container-fluid\">\n                        <div id=\"ind-content\">\n                                    <div class=\"one-indu \">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30  row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/image-153-750x595.png\"\n                                         alt=\"\" class=\"img-responsive mw-100\" height=\"420\" width=\"750\" style=\" height: auto;\" loading=\"lazy\"\/>\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                            <h4 class=\"column-title \">\n                                            #1. Customize                                        <\/h4>\n                                                                                                                <p class=\"one-indu-text\">\n                                            <p>Relationship anarchy encourages its proponents to have meaningful relationships however best suits them. This is where you can really live up to its tailor-made aspect. <\/p>\n<p><strong>What are your principal needs and wants in a relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>What are your non-negotiables? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Relationship anarchy encourages conceptualizing what an ideal relationship would look like for you, and working towards that with like-minded others. <\/p>\n                                        <\/p>\n                                                                                                        <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                        <div class=\"one-indu \">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30 row-reverse row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/image-154-660x750.png\"\n                                         alt=\"\" class=\"img-responsive mw-100\" height=\"420\" width=\"750\" style=\" height: auto;\" loading=\"lazy\"\/>\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                            <h4 class=\"column-title \">\n                                            #2. Communicate                                        <\/h4>\n                                                                                                                <p class=\"one-indu-text\">\n                                            <p>As with any healthy relationship, communication is key. Talking through the many aspects of any relationship, such as expectations, boundaries, and desires, can better ensure that all those involved are feeling good about themselves in the relationship. As outlined in one of the tenets of the manifesto, communication is essential for avoiding pitfalls &#8211; such as allowing destructive criticism to impede a healthy relationship from developing outside of the social norm.<\/p>\n<h4 class='column-title'>#3. Create space<\/h4>\n<p>Within this love philosophy, is the idea that love is not a limited resource &#8211; we can love as many people as feels natural. Together with its inherent resistance to the social norm of relationships, relationship anarchy can become a challenge. As such, there needs to be a space for all those involved, both physical and psychological, to open up about thoughts and feelings. A space without judgment or expectation, but rather one where exploration and openness is chief. <\/p>\n                                        <\/p>\n                                                                                                        <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator-lg\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">In an attempt to simplify the process of customization, a smorgasbord was created. The <strong>Relationship Anarchy smorgasbord<\/strong> is like a buffet of relational styles, commitments, and expectations [7]. Below, we\u2019ll include the relationship anarchy chart:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"block-wrapper container \" id=\"block_4b106f7875038f8285787cf1dba21eee\">\n    <div class=\"row\">\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Emotional Intimacy<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Sharing Vulnerability<br \/>\nEmotional Support<br \/>\nConfidante<br \/>\nWords of Affection<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Physical Intimacy<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Cuddling<br \/>\nKissing<br \/>\nHand-Holding<br \/>\nDancing<br \/>\nMassaging<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Sexual Intimacy<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Sexual Acts<br \/>\nIntercourse<br \/>\nSexual talk<br \/>\nKissing<br \/>\nFondling<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Companionship<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Playfulness<br \/>\nShared activity\/interests<br \/>\nFriendship<br \/>\nIntellectual\/<br \/>\nPhilosophical Discussion<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Long-term partnership<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Having shared goals for<br \/>\nthe future,<br \/>\nCommitment, Chosen family, Embracing change in each other<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Caregiving<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Receiving care<br \/>\nGiving care<br \/>\nEmergency Contact<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Co-caregiving<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Elderly, sick or disabled<br \/>\nadults<br \/>\nChildren<br \/>\nPlants<br \/>\nAnimals<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Entanglement<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Cohabitation<br \/>\nFinances<br \/>\nRoutines and chores<br \/>\nLegal commitment<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Collaborative partnership<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Teaching<br \/>\nLeading projects<br \/>\nOrganizational activities<br \/>\nArtistic collaboration<br \/>\nBusiness partnership<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Kink<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Domination<br \/>\nSubmission<br \/>\nSadism<br \/>\nMasochism<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Voluntary asymmetry<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Sponsor-sponsee<br \/>\nTeacher-student<br \/>\nMentor-guide<br \/>\nGuardian-ward<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"col-md-3 col-sm-4 col-12 p-2 mt-4\">\n                <div class=\"single-block position-relative  h-100\">\n                    <p class=\"block-title position-absolute\">Social partnership<\/p>\n                    <div class=\"block-content h-100\">\n                        <p>Public Displays of affection<br \/>\nShared social circles<br \/>\nPresenting as a social unit<\/p>\n                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n        \n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<style>\n    #block_4b106f7875038f8285787cf1dba21eee    .block-title {\n        color: white !important;\n        font-weight: 600;\n        background-color: #9788B8;\n        padding: 5px 10px;\n        border-radius: 15px;\n        bottom: 153px;\n        left: 10%;\n        width: 80%;\n        text-align: center;\n    }\n\n    #block_4b106f7875038f8285787cf1dba21eee    .block-content {\n        padding-top:30px;\n        background-color: #FFFAF5;\n        border-radius: 15px;\n        font-weight: 700;\n        text-align: center;\n    }\n    #block_4b106f7875038f8285787cf1dba21eee    .block-content > p {\n        color: #604C8D !important;\n    }\n    @media (max-width: 768px ) {\n    #block_4b106f7875038f8285787cf1dba21eee        .block-title {\n            bottom: 78%;\n        }\n    } \n<\/style>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The smorgasbord works as follows: people in a relationship have a hypothetical platter, onto which they will put each item, such as \u201ccuddling\u201d, or \u201cartistic collaboration\u201d and so on, and items can be added to fit their particular contexts. The main condition is that items can only go on the platter if all parties agree to it. By the end of the exercise, their platter will be full of items that reflect their wishes, expectations, boundaries and commitments. In this way, truly tailoring the relationship to their needs and wants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">This chart has proved helpful because it allows for a deep customization of relationships. It shows that not everything goes in relationship anarchy &#8211; as would be the nihilistic perspective &#8211; but rather, that the people involved are not subjected to the norms and expectations of any other relationship style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n    <div id=\"individual-content-top\" class=\"one-section individual-content-top-block_a416524262ef95a6ea1d49d40f2661f8\"\n         >\n\n        <div class=\"container-fluid\">\n                        <div id=\"ind-content\">\n                                    <div class=\"one-indu \">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30  row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/image-155-750x578.png\"\n                                         alt=\"\" class=\"img-responsive mw-100\" height=\"420\" width=\"750\" style=\" height: auto;\" loading=\"lazy\"\/>\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                            <h4 class=\"column-title \">\n                                            Does Attachment Style Matter in Relationship Anarchy?                                        <\/h4>\n                                                                                                                <p class=\"one-indu-text\">\n                                            <p>Attachment style can have a strong influence on whether relationship anarchy works for you or not, but only to the extent that it does for any other relationship style. While in an ideal relationship anarchy structure all partners involved should go through some version of our Three C\u2019s, not everyone will do this perfectly &#8211; we\u2019re only human.<\/p>\n<p>For example, an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">anxious attacher<\/a> going through the relationship anarchy smorgasbord might allow for their partner to put in an item that they otherwise would not want in their relationship. In another perspective, we could imagine a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/disorganized-attachment\/\">disorganized attacher<\/a> might want to change the items they agreed to depending on whether their attachment triggers are activated or not.<\/p>\n                                        <\/p>\n                                                                                                        <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">However, relationship anarchy advocates the deep customization of relationships so that these situations don\u2019t develop into problems. For instance, an anxious attacher might need a little extra attention and commitment in a relationship, and if the others involved are in accordance with providing them with this, then it\u2019s working. At the same time, a tenet of relationship anarchy is not to compromise or make exceptions for one person &#8211; relationships are meant to bring benefits to all those concerned, not just to fulfill the need of being involved in a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Naturally, this relationship style can bring up insecurities because it requires all partners to embrace one another\u2019s freedom to live as they see best for themselves. It requires a focus on communicating about difficult feelings, expressing these, and implementing boundaries when needed. For some <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/insecure-attachment-in-childhood\/\">insecure attachers<\/a>, all of these things can be difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">While, to our knowledge, there is no research on relationship anarchy and attachment style (yet), we can point you in a helpful direction. In our article on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/attachment-ethical-non-monogamy\/\">Attachment Styles and ENM relationships<\/a>, we outline how our attachment style influences our success in ENM relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n    <div id=\"individual-content-top\" class=\"one-section inverse-order individual-content-top-block_6e83b322affbcb12b4ad68b10d111140\"\n         >\n\n        <div class=\"container-fluid\">\n                        <div id=\"ind-content\">\n                                    <div class=\"one-indu d-none\">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30  row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                                                                                            <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                        <div class=\"one-indu \">\n                        <div class=\"row row-30 row-reverse row-spaced\"\n                             data-sal=\"slide-up\" data-sal-delay=\"200\">\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6\">\n                                                                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/image-156-705x750.png\"\n                                         alt=\"\" class=\"img-responsive mw-100\" height=\"420\" width=\"750\" style=\" height: auto;\" loading=\"lazy\"\/>\n                                                            <\/div>\n                            <div class=\"col-sm-6 align-middle\">\n                                <div>\n                                                                            <h4 class=\"column-title \">\n                                            Take-Home Message                                        <\/h4>\n                                                                                                                <p class=\"one-indu-text\">\n                                            <p>In this article, we\u2019ve introduced relationship anarchy as yet another viable relationship style. While ENM relationships are growing in popularity, structures such as relationship anarchy which focus on freedom are likely on the rise too.<\/p>\n<p>This relationship style works for those who abide by its true purpose by communicating, customizing and creating space. Communication is key in any relationship, and as clich\u00e9 as it may sound, it\u2019s necessary here too. Customization is essential in relationship anarchy, as it is the basis of this relational style. To make this possible, the smorgasbord is a helpful tool. Finally, relationship anarchists must also hold space for one another because this relational style can be radically different from the norm.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, this relationship style isn\u2019t a nihilistic concept where anything goes: it\u2019s a relational style that defends freedom with responsibility, respect, and care for one another.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Curious to learn more about ethical non-monogamy? Take a look at other articles in this series:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/open-relationship\/\">Open Relationship Guide: How to Make It Work<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/myths-about-enm-relationships\/\">6 Myths About Ethical Non-Monogamy<\/a><\/p>\n                                        <\/p>\n                                                                                                        <\/div>\n                            <\/div>\n                        <\/div>\n                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:17px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"block-wrapper py-4 \" id=\"block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52\" style=\" max-width: px;\">\n    <div class=\"d-flex justify-content-center\">\n        <button class=\"references-btn\" type=\"button\" data-toggle=\"collapse\"\n                data-target=\"#block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52-references-collapse\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52-references-collapse\">\n            References\n        <\/button>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"references-text collapse mt-3\" id=\"block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52-references-collapse\">\n        <p>[1] Rose, A. (2017). Relationship Anarchy: Breaking the paradigm. <em>2nd Non Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies Conference<\/em>. Sigmund Freud University, Vienna. <\/p>\n<p>[2] G\u00f3mez, R.D.H. (2018). Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach. <em>Sociological Research Online, 24<\/em>(4), 644-660. <\/p>\n<p>[3] Nordgren, A. (2006). <em>The short instructional manifiesto for relationship anarchy.<\/em> The Anarchist Library. <\/p>\n<p>[4] Richard Heffner\u2019s The Open Mind (1990). <em>Elaine Showalter: Sexual Anarchy<\/em> [Video]. <\/p>\n<p>[5] Davy, Z., Santos, A.C., Bertone, C., Thoreson, R., Wieringa, S.E. (2020). <em>The SAGE Handbook of Global Sexualities<\/em>. SAGE. ISBN: 1529721946 <\/p>\n<p>[6] American Psychological Association (n.d.). Heteronormativity. In <em>APA dictionary of psychology.<\/em> Retrieved May 19, 2022. <\/p>\n<p>[7] Moen, O.M., S\u00f8rlie, A. (2022). The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy. In Earp, B.D., Chambers, C., Watson, L. (Eds.),<em> The Routledge Handbook of Philosophy of Sex and Sexuality.<\/em> New York: Routledge. <\/p>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<style>\n    #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52 p, #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52 li, a{\n        color:;\n    }\n\n    #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52 ul li, #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52 ol li {\n        margin-bottom: 10px;\n    }\n\n    #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52 ul li:last-child {\n        margin-bottom: 0;\n    }\n\n    #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52    .references-btn {\n        color: #ffffff;\n        background: #c7b7ec !important;\n        border-radius: 10px !important;\n        font-family: \"Family\", sans-serif;\n        font-size: 30px !important;\n        padding: 0px 48px!important;\n        font-weight: 700 !important;\n        height: 42px;\n        display: flex;\n        align-items: center;\n    }\n\n    #block_2e9c5265ca36cc1a8d769805778e5e52    .references-btn:focus {\n        border:none;\n        outline: 0;\n    }\n<\/style>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Relationship Anarchy vs Polyamory Relationship anarchy is considered to be a type of polyamory &#8211; or at least a radical version of egalitarian polyamory. That is, both forms of relationships involve intimate or romantic connections with more than one person at a time. However, the main differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy are twofold. First, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"parent":16700,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-20244","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Relationship Anarchy: Introduction Guide - Attachment Project<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you want to learn more about relationship anarchy? Then read now the complete guide that the Attachment Project team wrote for you!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/enm\/relationship-anarchy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Relationship Anarchy: Introduction Guide - Attachment Project\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you want to learn more about relationship anarchy? 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