{"id":29235,"date":"2023-04-13T16:23:54","date_gmt":"2023-04-13T14:23:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?page_id=29235"},"modified":"2025-08-09T16:01:01","modified_gmt":"2025-08-09T14:01:01","slug":"abandonment","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/abandonment\/","title":{"rendered":"Abandonment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">We all fear abandonment to a certain degree. No-one wants to be left without support, connection or protection. But what if you feel like, no matter what you do, everyone will leave you in the end?<strong> If these thoughts and feelings sound familiar to you, you might have the abandonment schema.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">To answer any questions you may have regarding the abandonment schema, this article will cover the following topics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-700 p-3 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#c9e9e966\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What the abandonment schema is<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>An explanation of early maladaptive schemas (EMS)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The causes of the abandonment schema<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Signs of the abandonment schema in childhood and adulthood<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How the abandonment schema affects a person\u2019s life<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Treatment methods for the abandonment schema<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 mb-5 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf4d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Do you know your attachment style?<br>Take our attachment quiz and find out now &#8211; fast, easy, free.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"row justify-content-center\">\r\n<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\/\" class=\"button-2 text-center\" rel=\"noopener\">Start Quiz<\/a>\r\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">What Is the Abandonment Schema?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The abandonment schema is one of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/\">18 early maladaptive schemas (EMS)<\/a>. Having the abandonment schema means you expect others will not give you consistent support, connection, or protection. You likely indiscriminately view relationships as unstable, unreliable, and unpredictable. Furthermore, if you do engage in relationships, you may be consistently vigilant that others can leave or abandon you at any time.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 mb-5 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf4d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-0\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator-md\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">Maladaptive Schemas<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The abandonment schema is one example of an early maladaptive schema (EMS). If you wish to learn more about this maladaptive schema, as well as the 17 others, check out our article, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">\u201cThe Ultimate Guide to Early Maladaptive Schemas.\u201d&nbsp;<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"971\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-1024x971.webp\" alt=\"What Is the Abandonment Schema?\" class=\"wp-image-39656\" style=\"width:550px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-1024x971.webp 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-300x284.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-768x728.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-1000x948.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-800x758.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-750x711.webp 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-617x585.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-600x569.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-150x142.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-500x474.webp 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-400x379.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-247x234.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema-110x104.webp 110w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/The-Abandonment-Schema.webp 1152w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">What Causes the Abandonment Schema?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The abandonment schema develops in childhood due to an unmet need for consistent support, connection, and protection. However, why this need is left unmet can be due to a variety of reasons. For example, it can happen when the primary caregiver is not attuned to the needs of their child, either by missing them or misinterpreting them as a cue for something else.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">A child\u2019s need for consistent support and protection can also be left unmet if their caregiver(s) did not have the internal resources to satisfy it &#8211; for reasons as varied as chronic stress, anger issues, mental illness, or maladaptive schemas of their own.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Alternatively, this schema can develop due to actual abandonment, or through long periods of separation &#8211; for example, working abroad or hospitalization. The abandonment schema can also develop due to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/love\/grief-heartbreak-loss\/\">death of a caregiver<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"888\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-888x1024.webp\" alt=\"Signs of the Abandonment Schema\" class=\"wp-image-39657\" style=\"width:550px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-888x1024.webp 888w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-260x300.webp 260w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-768x886.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-867x1000.webp 867w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-800x923.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-650x750.webp 650w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-617x712.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-600x692.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-150x173.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-1000x1154.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-433x500.webp 433w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-400x461.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-247x285.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1-95x110.webp 95w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Signs-of-the-Abandonment-Schema1.webp 1152w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 888px) 100vw, 888px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<div style=\"height:30px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#c9e9e966\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-0\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">Signs of the Abandonment Schema<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Typically, people with the abandonment schema will be concerned that others will leave them &#8211; either unintentionally or through choice. Similar to people with an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">anxious attachment style<\/a>, someone with the abandonment schema may be hypervigilant to signs of desertion. This form of vigilance involves devoting a lot of energy to monitoring both their surroundings and their loved ones for any signals of the withdrawal of support or connection. In addition to hypervigilance, someone with this schema may spend a great deal of time worrying about the possibility of others leaving, often catastrophizing about worst case scenarios instead of focusing on what is actually happening.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The signs of the abandonment schema specifically in childhood and adulthood are as follows:<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1000 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-lg-between  justify-content-center is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\"><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1000 mb-0\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group  col-md-8 col-sm-10\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Abandonment Schema in Childhood<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Children are less skilled at regulating their emotions than adults. With that in mind, when a child\u2019s abandonment schema is triggered, they may try to receive the care they need through forms of \u201cdesperate\u201d behavior. Such examples of this are acting out or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/love\/clingy-relationship\/\">becoming clingy<\/a> and distressed, particularly when their caregiver needs to leave. Children with the abandonment schema may also have difficulty concentrating in school and have increased illnesses due to chronic stress and anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Abandonment Schema in Adults<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite adults being typically more skilled at emotion regulation than children, adults with the abandonment schema can be clingy, jealous, or controlling. They may need a lot of reassurance within relationships from others that they do not intend to leave. Indeed, someone with this schema may even become obsessive within a relationship and find it difficult to focus on anything else.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Moreover, individuals with the abandonment schema may deal with low self-worth. As their needs for consistent support, connection, and protection were not met during their formative years, they often believe it was due to some inherent defect that made them unworthy. This belief may result in a need to please others or feeling like they have to work hard for their approval.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Understandably, individuals with the abandonment schema may feel a great deal of stress and anxiety. In turn, they may develop unhealthy coping strategies in order to cope, such as negative self-talk, and using addictive substances or food for comfort and relief.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 mb-5 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#fdeeeb\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-600\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Abandonment Schema Test<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">If you wish to receive a rating of how highly you score on each of the maladaptive schemas, including abandonment, you can take our quiz on maladaptive schemas <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"row justify-content-center\">\n<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\/maladaptive-schema\" class=\"button-2 text-center\" rel=\"noopener\">Take the test<\/a>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"892\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-892x1024.webp\" alt=\"How People Cope With the Abandonment Schema\" class=\"wp-image-39658\" style=\"width:550px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-892x1024.webp 892w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-261x300.webp 261w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-768x882.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-871x1000.webp 871w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-800x919.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-653x750.webp 653w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-617x709.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-600x689.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-150x172.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-1000x1148.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-435x500.webp 435w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-400x459.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-247x284.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema-96x110.webp 96w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/How-People-Cope-With-the-Abandonment-Schema.webp 1152w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 892px) 100vw, 892px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-900 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">How People Cope With the Abandonment Schema<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Having a healthy relationship can be difficult if you believe that everyone eventually leaves. People with the abandonment schema tend to react in one of three ways &#8211; avoidance, overcompensation, or surrendering.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 position-relative mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1000 mb-0\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 order-md-1 order-2\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Avoidance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Typically individuals with the abandonment schema avoid intimate relationships. This is to reduce the possibility of getting hurt, as these relationships, in their opinion, will inevitably end. For the same reason they may sabotage blossoming relationships in order to prevent further intimacy developing.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 position-relative mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1100 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center align-items-start is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group  col-md-7 col-sm-10\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Overcompensation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-5\">Alternatively, a person with the abandonment schema may decide to embark upon a relationship, but in a bid to prevent the other person from leaving, they overcompensate for their belief through their behavior. They may act clingy, jealous, or controlling. They may also test the other person to check their commitment. This type of behavior usually inadvertently pushes people away and brings about the end of the relationship. Thus, the belief that others will always leave is reinforced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Surrendering<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Others may cope with their abandonment schema by surrendering to it. They give in to the belief that their need for consistent support, connection, or protection will not be met. Combining the abandonment schema and a low self-worth, such individuals may have a tendency to attract, and be attracted to, others who are likely to leave them. The relationship then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing the idea that others will always leave in the end.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"892\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-892x1024.webp\" alt=\"Abandonment Schema Treatment \/ Therapy\" class=\"wp-image-39659\" style=\"width:550px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-892x1024.webp 892w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-261x300.webp 261w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-768x882.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-871x1000.webp 871w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-800x919.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-653x750.webp 653w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-617x709.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-600x689.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-150x172.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-1000x1148.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-435x500.webp 435w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-400x459.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-247x284.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema-96x110.webp 96w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Healing-the-Abandonment-Schema.webp 1152w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 892px) 100vw, 892px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<div style=\"height:30px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 mb-4 px-md-0 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#c9e9e940\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-5 px-md-3\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">Abandonment Treatment\/Therapy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The abandonment schema is known to be one of the more difficult schemas to work with as it is often linked to other maladaptive schemas, specifically the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/subjugation\/\">subjugation<\/a>, dependency, and defectiveness\/shame schemas. This may make the need for therapy even more pressing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Schema Therapy addresses maladaptive schemas by focusing on early childhood experiences and the therapeutic relationship itself. You can learn more about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/schema-therapy\/\">Schema Therapy here<\/a>. While maladaptive schemas are difficult to change, with commitment, consistency, and appropriate treatment, it is entirely possible to achieve positive change.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1000 mb-0 px-md-3\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 order-md-1 order-2 d-flex flex-column justify-content-center\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Adaptive Strategies<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"heading-background has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Be mindful of the company you keep<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-1\" style=\"font-size:16px\"><em>\u201cChasing unavailable people is self-abandonment.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\" mb-4\">&#8211; Sheleana Aiyana<br><br>Ask yourself if the people closest to you are reinforcing your schema, and make changes if necessary. Try to surround yourself with people who understand you and help you feel safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"heading-background has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Be aware of your tendency to catastrophize<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-4 mt-3\">It is natural to explain the behavior of others to ourselves using \u201cstories\u201d or \u201chypotheticals,\u201d especially when we are worried. However, it is important to notice if you have a tendency to jump to the worst case scenario and give these stories too much credence. Try to give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt when they act differently to how you would like. It does not necessarily mean they are planning to leave you. Alternatively, if you are worried that others will leave you through illness or death, try to rationalize how likely it is to happen in the moment and find evidence to contradict your fear.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"heading-background has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Develop a mindful practice<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mt-3\">People with the abandonment schema may experience a great deal of anxiety around their relationships. Additionally they may catastrophize about others leaving them through illness and death. It is beneficial to sit with these feelings and thoughts and accept them for what they are. It is also important to recognize that they are not facts or representative of the present situation. If you experience high levels of anxiety related to the abandonment schema, try meditation and mindfulness. These practices train the brain to focus attention on the present and let other thoughts and feelings go.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1000 mb-0 px-md-3\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"heading-background has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Seek therapy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mt-3\">If you have the abandonment schema, you may have a lot of unresolved anger, disappointment, and sadness about how past relationships have gone. You may also have a great deal of anxiety about your current relationships. Additionally, you may need to develop healthy expectations and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/boundaries-and-attachment-styles\/\">boundaries<\/a> for others and your own behavior. A therapeutic relationship is the ideal circumstance in which to explore all these factors.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-800 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"block-wrapper py-4 \" id=\"block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4\" style=\" max-width: px;\">\n    <div class=\"d-flex justify-content-center\">\n        <button class=\"references-btn\" type=\"button\" data-toggle=\"collapse\"\n                data-target=\"#block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4-references-collapse\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4-references-collapse\">\n            References\n        <\/button>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"references-text collapse mt-3\" id=\"block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4-references-collapse\">\n        <p style=\"text-align: center;\">Padesky C. A. (1994) Schema change processes in cognitive therapy. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 1(5), 267\u2013278.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Schmidt, N. B., Joiner, Jr., T. E., Young, J. E., &amp; Telch, M. J. (1995). The schema questionnaire: Investigation of psychometric properties and the hierarchical structure of a measure of maladaptive schemas. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 19(3), 295-321.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., &amp; Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy. Guilford Press.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<style>\n    #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4 p, #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4 li, a{\n        color:;\n    }\n\n    #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4 ul li, #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4 ol li {\n        margin-bottom: 10px;\n    }\n\n    #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4 ul li:last-child {\n        margin-bottom: 0;\n    }\n\n    #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4    .references-btn {\n        color: #513D62;\n        background: #FFCDC0 !important;\n        border-radius: 10px !important;\n        font-family: \"Family\", sans-serif;\n        font-size: 30px !important;\n        padding: 0px 48px!important;\n        font-weight: 700 !important;\n        height: 42px;\n        display: flex;\n        align-items: center;\n    }\n\n    #block_ff8cd982a93f09e9e6484c387b5117a4    .references-btn:focus {\n        border:none;\n        outline: 0;\n    }\n<\/style><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We all fear abandonment to a certain degree. No-one wants to be left without support, connection or protection. But what if you feel like, no matter what you do, everyone will leave you in the end? If these thoughts and feelings sound familiar to you, you might have the abandonment schema. To answer any questions [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"parent":16889,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-29235","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Abandonment Schema Signs and Causes - Attachment Project<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Having the abandonment schema means you expect others will not give you consistent support, connection, or protection.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/abandonment\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Abandonment Schema Signs and Causes - 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